By Jannete Ikz
So, it seemed that it was cool for everyone to be in a relationship but me… So I took matters into my own hands and ended up with him. Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, and a thief. So, why was I surprised when he broke into my heart? I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and betting, cause it was me who let him in.
Claiming we were, “just friends”
It was already decided for me by the first day that even if he wasn’t, I was going to make him the one. You know, I was tired of being alone and I simply made it up in my mind that it was about that time. So I decided to drag him along for the ride cause I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride.
A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner and he was tired of the weight. So, I was gonna make him the one.
He had a form of godliness, but not much.
But, hey, I can change him. So, I’ll take him! I mean, he’s close… enough.
Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of it’s “used to be.” Arteries so clogged with my will, it blocked his will from flowing through me. So, I thank Christ that his blood pressure gave this heart an attack that flat-lined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back. Through my ignorance, he saw. So, through my sternum, he sawed and cracked open my chest to transplant Psalms 51:10. A new heart and a renewed, right spirit within. So, now I fully understand, better yet, thoroughly comprehend how much I need to wait… For you.
See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning. Cause, in the beginning was the word and he didn’t even sound or shine like your son. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings. Which meant nothing.
He couldn’t even pray what I needed him to. Asking him to fast would be absurd. Forget about being cleansed and washed with water through the word. But, I know you. You’re already praying for me. Even never having met me, let me assure you, I will wait… for you.
I will no longer date, socialize, or communicate with carbon copies of you to appease my boredom or to quench my thirsty desire for attention of the short-live compliments from ‘sorta, kindas.’
You know, “he’s sorta kinda right, but sorta kinda wrong.” His first name, Luke. His last name, Warm.
I won’t settle for false companionship. I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms, attempting to find some closeness but have feelings so far, far apart cause, “I just want to be held.”
Cause all I gotta say is “No.” No more almost sessions of almost coming close, passing winks and buying drinks, and “Im’ma Im’ma Im’ma flirt.”
Who flirts with the ideology of, “Can you just tell me how much I can get away with and still be saved?” No more. I’ll stay in my bed alone and write poems about how I will wait for you.
He won’t even come close, our fingers won’t even interlock, we won’t even exchange breath cause I have thoughts that I’ve saved to ask, and our Father God only equips you to open.
I will no longer get graded down from ‘so called’ friends and family talks about the concern of my biological clock when I serve the author of time.
Who is not subject to time, but I am subject to Him. He has the ability to stop, fast forward, pause, or rewind at any given time. So, if we could roleplay, you would be Abraham, and I would be Sarah (-__-), or you could be Issac and I could be Rebecca, or servants, aunts, and prayer… I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh. Made up of your rib, Adam. And once we meet, like electrons, I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible, Atom.
We even speak the same math- 1+1+1=3, which really equals 1 if you add them.
We were all created in His image, but you have the ability to reflect, project, and even detect the son. If I were to explain what you look like, you would have to look like a star. A son of the sun. I would get energy simply from the light you shine on me. I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis. I await your revelation, but once again from the Genesis, I will wait for you. And I will know you because when you speak, I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom.
The ability to lead will remind me of Moses, your faith will remind me of Abraham, your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel. Your inspiration will remind me of Paul. Your heart for God will remind me of David. Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah. Your integrity will remind me of Joseph, and your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the disciples. But, your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by and special ‘Matthews’ or ‘Marks’ becauseHis word will be tatted all over your heart. And you will know me, and you will find me where the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth. Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary, which is engulfed by the tears of a praying Hannah. I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.
But to my Father, my Father who has known me before and was birthed into this earth, only if you should see it. I desire your will above mine so even if youcall me to a life of single-ness, my heart is content with you, the one who is sent. You are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known.You are forever my judge and I am forever your witness. And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business.
How I’ll always be yours and how I’ll always wait for you, Lord- more than the watchmen wait for the morning. More than the watchmen wait for the morning, I will wait.”
