Is it wrong to trust God to turn a mistake you made into something good? I feel like it is, but I feel like it's wrong to feel like that...
Everything happens for a reason, I believe that with everything I am.
But even things that are in my control?
The mistakes and choices I make- do I make them for a reason, or because I make them, does God then come up with a reason?
Destiny, fate, and God's will is hard to grasp.
How do we know the difference between what's destined to be and our own will?
The way I see it, we're all on our own planned path.
On that path there are roadblocks, detours, valleys, hills, boulders, furry animals, etc., (a.k.a. blessings and trials) that were placed there for a reason.
Also along this path are choices, or forks in the road in which one way leads to something different than the other.
This is where I get lost... what if you choose the wrong path?
Is a completely different plan and purpose created? Or does this path eventually converge back with the original plan?
The great thing is, no matter which way we choose, we're most likely unaware whether it was the right choice or not because life moves along, the path keeps going, and we have no idea where it's going.
We don't know when it meets up with the original, and we don't know if it doesn't, and we don't know if we're even on the wrong or right path.
Which brings me to another question: Is there a 'wrong' or 'right' path?
The 'right' path, I think, is the original. If both options at the fork in the road are beneficial and in tune with what you believe morally, then I think both are right.
The 'wrong' path, I think, is anything but the original.
Because of our free-will, we have the option to step off this path at any point in time and trudge through the wilderness.
In doing that, we miss the hills and furry animals on the original path.
So back to my first question: do we eventually find our way back to the original, or is a new path created because of our choice to step off the original?
I just don't know, and I don't think I ever will. Sigh.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy.
"The path of least resistance leads to crooked rivers and crooked men." - Henry David Thoreau
Sometimes... I'd just like to give up.
Sometimes I look at the things I work toward and wonder why I bother trying if it's never going to get any easier.
Why do I strive for integrity, morality, knowledge, talent and spirituality when I know I can never achieve perfection in any one of them?
Giving into my human nature would be so.much.easier. Letting what's been innately programmed into my being take over sounds so... freeing. For some reason that I've yet to understand, I was created to deny myself, and as everyone knows: that's not easy. I want ease. I want to go with the flow, for once.
But that's weakness at it's finest. Giving up on what I know is right and worthwhile because I'm too tired and fed up to carry on is cheating myself of the rewards waiting at the end of the race.
I don't think I could ever let myself give in. As tempting as a nice relaxing float down the stream of conformity sounds, fortunately, I've floated enough to know it's never worth it in the end. And before you know it you're much farther down the stream from the ultimate goal than you ever thought you'd be.
Sometimes... I'd just like to give up.
Sometimes I look at the things I work toward and wonder why I bother trying if it's never going to get any easier.
Why do I strive for integrity, morality, knowledge, talent and spirituality when I know I can never achieve perfection in any one of them?
Giving into my human nature would be so.much.easier. Letting what's been innately programmed into my being take over sounds so... freeing. For some reason that I've yet to understand, I was created to deny myself, and as everyone knows: that's not easy. I want ease. I want to go with the flow, for once.
But that's weakness at it's finest. Giving up on what I know is right and worthwhile because I'm too tired and fed up to carry on is cheating myself of the rewards waiting at the end of the race.
I don't think I could ever let myself give in. As tempting as a nice relaxing float down the stream of conformity sounds, fortunately, I've floated enough to know it's never worth it in the end. And before you know it you're much farther down the stream from the ultimate goal than you ever thought you'd be.
?
I love people that ask a lot of questions.
Because you don't always know the answer until the question is asked. Even the simplest of questions can reveal your deepest desires, needs, and values.
Even if the answer is "I don't know", you're on your way to knowing.
And then you learn something about yourself.
Because you don't always know the answer until the question is asked. Even the simplest of questions can reveal your deepest desires, needs, and values.
Even if the answer is "I don't know", you're on your way to knowing.
And then you learn something about yourself.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Strength vs Weakness
Lately I've been seeing a strong theme of strength vs weakness. Kind of creepily, actually.
For about a week there I'd have a conversation about strength or weakness with all different people, all pertaining to different things.
I gathered: (according to others' opinions)
Strength is doing what's right when no one is watching, or integrity.
Strength is doing what you most need over what you most want.
Strength is not giving up on something you've set your mind to.
Strength is hiding your emotions at all costs.
Strength is pride.
Weakness is vulnerability.
Weakness is giving in to your desires.
Weakness is the fall after the pride.
Weakness is transparency.
As I try to sort through my thoughts on it, and try to understand the differences, I find it a little funny that we try so hard to be strong when it's inevitably impossible. We are by nature, weak. We were created to need something bigger than ourselves. We were created weak because God's power is made perfect in our weakness and His glory and love shines brightly through it all.
Weakness is vulnerability.
Or is there strength in being unguarded?
Weakness is giving in to your desires.
Or is there strength in not giving up on your desires?
Weakness is the fall after the pride.
Or is there strength in picking yourself up off the floor, realizing you're not as strong as you think you are? Is ultimate strength found in humility?
Weakness is transparency.
Or is there strength in letting people see that you're not perfect?
To conclude, weakness results in strength and strength results in weakness.
It's a vicious cycle... such is life.
For about a week there I'd have a conversation about strength or weakness with all different people, all pertaining to different things.
I gathered: (according to others' opinions)
Strength is doing what's right when no one is watching, or integrity.
Strength is doing what you most need over what you most want.
Strength is not giving up on something you've set your mind to.
Strength is hiding your emotions at all costs.
Strength is pride.
Weakness is vulnerability.
Weakness is giving in to your desires.
Weakness is the fall after the pride.
Weakness is transparency.
As I try to sort through my thoughts on it, and try to understand the differences, I find it a little funny that we try so hard to be strong when it's inevitably impossible. We are by nature, weak. We were created to need something bigger than ourselves. We were created weak because God's power is made perfect in our weakness and His glory and love shines brightly through it all.
"I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My presence... Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow me to bless you richly through it." -Jesus Calling
Weakness is vulnerability.
Or is there strength in being unguarded?
Weakness is giving in to your desires.
Or is there strength in not giving up on your desires?
Weakness is the fall after the pride.
Or is there strength in picking yourself up off the floor, realizing you're not as strong as you think you are? Is ultimate strength found in humility?
Weakness is transparency.
Or is there strength in letting people see that you're not perfect?
To conclude, weakness results in strength and strength results in weakness.
It's a vicious cycle... such is life.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Undefined
I like definitions. Because definitions are concrete, they solidify the meaning of something, they settle the score, they can't be changed by anyone that feels the need to change them.
m-w.com is one of my favorite websites.
^^^link
2 : a statement expressing the essential nature of something
3 : the action of the power of describing, explaining, or making definite and clear
Defining yourself is not much different than defining a word.
Your definition is your essential nature, and it can't be changed by anyone.
Defining yourself is the act of determining.
There are a few different ways of defining yourself:
Through the eyes of other people
Through the eyes of yourself
Through the eyes of a Higher Power
Like everything, whichever route you choose, each has with it it's pros and cons.
Through the eyes of other people:
Pros:
-If people generally like you, you've got a good self-image
-Sometimes other people see things in you that you don't see, good or bad
Cons:
-You become dependent on others' opinions
-If it's a single person you're being defined by, you're completely lost when that person is gone
-You stop trying to know yourself when all that matters is how other people know you
-Everything becomes about pleasing people, and upholding to their standards
Through the eyes of yourself:
Pros:
-You don't let anyone tell you who to be or who you are
-You can be whoever you want to be
Cons:
-You will never be exactly who you want to be
-You see all the flaws that no one else sees
-You rarely let people in deep enough to see who you truly are
Through the eyes of a Higher Power:
Pros:
-If this Higher Power is unconditionally loving, you know that no matter who your are, no matter your worst flaw, and no matter what mistakes you make, It sees you as perfect
-If this Higher Power is all-knowing, It knows you down to every cell in your body, and loves you anyway
-If this Higher Power is all-powerful, It can give you the strength to overcome whatever it is that weighs you down the most.
Cons:
-I can't think of any cons...
Also like everything else, finding your definition is a process.
I'm in the process of finding my definition. For so long I let myself be defined by people, which prevented me from truly knowing who I am, and truly seeing my worth for what it is.
Depending on what you choose to be defined by, the steps are different. I've decided that I cannot be defined by people. So i tried to define myself. And after I did that, I realized my only true definition can be found in God, or my "Higher Power".
For me, this was/is the process:
Step one:
Realizing my definition/value is not in a person or people.
Understanding how that is destructive.
Step two:
Trying to define myself/learning about myself in a different light.
Step three:
Hating myself because of what I see. Judging myself based on who I am and who I'm not.
Step four:
Seeing how God defines me based on His unconditional love, all-knowingness, and all-powerfulness.
Step five:
Being defined by God's love and in turn loving myself, and letting that love grow and change me.
I'm not quite to step five, but I'm making progress. Every once in a while I let my emotions take me back to step negative one. But the beauty of it is that it's much easier to get back to step four knowing what I know now.
The definition I find in people and in myself puts me in a box. No room for change or adaptation. It's concrete. It's unsatisfying.
The definition I find in God puts me in a place with infinite space. It gives me value and hope. There's room for improvement and room for the satisfaction of knowing I'm loved no matter what I am or what I do.
There's only moving forward from here.
m-w.com is one of my favorite websites.
^^^link
DEFINITION
1
: an act of determining
3 : the action of the power of describing, explaining, or making definite and clear
Defining yourself is not much different than defining a word.
Your definition is your essential nature, and it can't be changed by anyone.
Defining yourself is the act of determining.
There are a few different ways of defining yourself:
Through the eyes of other people
Through the eyes of yourself
Through the eyes of a Higher Power
Like everything, whichever route you choose, each has with it it's pros and cons.
Through the eyes of other people:
Pros:
-If people generally like you, you've got a good self-image
-Sometimes other people see things in you that you don't see, good or bad
Cons:
-You become dependent on others' opinions
-If it's a single person you're being defined by, you're completely lost when that person is gone
-You stop trying to know yourself when all that matters is how other people know you
-Everything becomes about pleasing people, and upholding to their standards
Through the eyes of yourself:
Pros:
-You don't let anyone tell you who to be or who you are
-You can be whoever you want to be
Cons:
-You will never be exactly who you want to be
-You see all the flaws that no one else sees
-You rarely let people in deep enough to see who you truly are
Through the eyes of a Higher Power:
Pros:
-If this Higher Power is unconditionally loving, you know that no matter who your are, no matter your worst flaw, and no matter what mistakes you make, It sees you as perfect
-If this Higher Power is all-knowing, It knows you down to every cell in your body, and loves you anyway
-If this Higher Power is all-powerful, It can give you the strength to overcome whatever it is that weighs you down the most.
Cons:
-I can't think of any cons...
Also like everything else, finding your definition is a process.
I'm in the process of finding my definition. For so long I let myself be defined by people, which prevented me from truly knowing who I am, and truly seeing my worth for what it is.
Depending on what you choose to be defined by, the steps are different. I've decided that I cannot be defined by people. So i tried to define myself. And after I did that, I realized my only true definition can be found in God, or my "Higher Power".
For me, this was/is the process:
Step one:
Realizing my definition/value is not in a person or people.
Understanding how that is destructive.
Step two:
Trying to define myself/learning about myself in a different light.
Step three:
Hating myself because of what I see. Judging myself based on who I am and who I'm not.
Step four:
Seeing how God defines me based on His unconditional love, all-knowingness, and all-powerfulness.
Step five:
Being defined by God's love and in turn loving myself, and letting that love grow and change me.
I'm not quite to step five, but I'm making progress. Every once in a while I let my emotions take me back to step negative one. But the beauty of it is that it's much easier to get back to step four knowing what I know now.
The definition I find in people and in myself puts me in a box. No room for change or adaptation. It's concrete. It's unsatisfying.
The definition I find in God puts me in a place with infinite space. It gives me value and hope. There's room for improvement and room for the satisfaction of knowing I'm loved no matter what I am or what I do.
There's only moving forward from here.
Judge not, lest you shall be judged.
What makes us do the things we do?
What makes us say the things we say?
What makes us believe the things we believe?
A person's character is made up of so much more than could possibly meet our shallow eyes.
I despise judgement.
What makes us say the things we say?
What makes us believe the things we believe?
A person's character is made up of so much more than could possibly meet our shallow eyes.
I despise judgement.
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