m-w.com is one of my favorite websites.
^^^link
DEFINITION
1
: an act of determining
3 : the action of the power of describing, explaining, or making definite and clear
Defining yourself is not much different than defining a word.
Your definition is your essential nature, and it can't be changed by anyone.
Defining yourself is the act of determining.
There are a few different ways of defining yourself:
Through the eyes of other people
Through the eyes of yourself
Through the eyes of a Higher Power
Like everything, whichever route you choose, each has with it it's pros and cons.
Through the eyes of other people:
Pros:
-If people generally like you, you've got a good self-image
-Sometimes other people see things in you that you don't see, good or bad
Cons:
-You become dependent on others' opinions
-If it's a single person you're being defined by, you're completely lost when that person is gone
-You stop trying to know yourself when all that matters is how other people know you
-Everything becomes about pleasing people, and upholding to their standards
Through the eyes of yourself:
Pros:
-You don't let anyone tell you who to be or who you are
-You can be whoever you want to be
Cons:
-You will never be exactly who you want to be
-You see all the flaws that no one else sees
-You rarely let people in deep enough to see who you truly are
Through the eyes of a Higher Power:
Pros:
-If this Higher Power is unconditionally loving, you know that no matter who your are, no matter your worst flaw, and no matter what mistakes you make, It sees you as perfect
-If this Higher Power is all-knowing, It knows you down to every cell in your body, and loves you anyway
-If this Higher Power is all-powerful, It can give you the strength to overcome whatever it is that weighs you down the most.
Cons:
-I can't think of any cons...
Also like everything else, finding your definition is a process.
I'm in the process of finding my definition. For so long I let myself be defined by people, which prevented me from truly knowing who I am, and truly seeing my worth for what it is.
Depending on what you choose to be defined by, the steps are different. I've decided that I cannot be defined by people. So i tried to define myself. And after I did that, I realized my only true definition can be found in God, or my "Higher Power".
For me, this was/is the process:
Step one:
Realizing my definition/value is not in a person or people.
Understanding how that is destructive.
Step two:
Trying to define myself/learning about myself in a different light.
Step three:
Hating myself because of what I see. Judging myself based on who I am and who I'm not.
Step four:
Seeing how God defines me based on His unconditional love, all-knowingness, and all-powerfulness.
Step five:
Being defined by God's love and in turn loving myself, and letting that love grow and change me.
I'm not quite to step five, but I'm making progress. Every once in a while I let my emotions take me back to step negative one. But the beauty of it is that it's much easier to get back to step four knowing what I know now.
The definition I find in people and in myself puts me in a box. No room for change or adaptation. It's concrete. It's unsatisfying.
The definition I find in God puts me in a place with infinite space. It gives me value and hope. There's room for improvement and room for the satisfaction of knowing I'm loved no matter what I am or what I do.
There's only moving forward from here.
