Ephesians 1:7
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace"
This has been on my mind for quite a while.
For as long as I can remember, I wanted God to show me His love. I wanted to feel it. I wanted to know without a doubt that He loved me, like everyone told me He did.
And despite my tests, I never felt it the way I wanted. You know, like that overwhelming, can't-breathe, I-feel-so-warm-and-fuzzy, feeling.
And I finally realized that it wasn't God's fault, it was mine.
It wasn't a problem of God failing to show His love, it was me failing to recognize it.
He already showed me his love in the truest way possible.
Romans 5:8
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
In that while I was still a sinner, He died for me.
Key words being, "still a sinner".
I always kinda felt like that wasn't really a big deal.
Like, yeah, a lot of people have done some really bad things, but I'm not that bad.
Yeah, I sin, but not as bad as some people.
And I didn't understand until I realized that I am just as bad as the worst of the worst.
Because it's all the same in God's eyes. No matter how big or small, every sin is humanity thinking that we're okay on our own, that we don't need the creator of the universe to tell us what to do.
I am human. Like everyone else. And I am a sinner. Like everyone else.
When I realized that, the cross became so much more incredible.
When Christ died, I wasn't born yet. Obviously.
But He knew I would sin.
He knew every nook and cranny of my disgusting heart and still died for me.
Would I die for someone knowing that they would deny the very fact that I died?
Would I do it knowing they would just curse my name in response?
Knowing they would speak evil against me, live contrary to everything I taught them in love, and knowing they wouldn't believe it?
Would I die for someone knowing that they were the very ones killing me?
Say, a judge is convicted of a crime and given the death sentence.
I decide that I want to die in his place (if that were legal), knowing full well that he's guilty of the crime and deserves to die.
Then, he is the one to sign off on my arrest and personally order my execution, maybe even execute me himself.
Now, say I knew all of this ahead of time. Would I still die for him? Would I love him so much that no matter what he did to me, I still want him to have the chance at a full and abundant life?
There's no way I would.
But Jesus did.
He died for everyone. Not just the people that believed. Not just the pastors and the missionaries and the Sunday school teacher. He died for everyone.
The murderers.
The adulterers.
The thiefs.
The liars.
The impure.
The ungrateful.
The gossips.
The sex-slave trader.
The slave.
The disobedient.
The alcoholics.
The pornography-viewers.
The abusive.
The prideful.
The foolish.
The rich.
The poor.
Everyone.
Because He wanted every single one of us to have the chance at a full and abundant life.
Knowing that many would deny Him, hate Him, persecute His people. Knowing that even those who do love Him, still betray, deny, and fall away.
It's not about God proving His love to us over and over, because He does, but we won't ever understand, be able to accept that love, or even see it until we realize how much we desperately need it. When we realize that, we see that it's been in front of us the whole time. And we see without a shadow of a doubt that we cannot possibly go on living without it.
When I stopped thinking that God owed it to me to prove that He loves me, and started realizing how desperately I need that love, I saw that that very love is everywhere.
He already went to the extremes to prove His love.
He still fights for my selfish little heart moment by moment.
He hasn't given up on me even through all the times I've given up on Him.
That is how he shows His love, and that's all he wants us to do: be so caught up in the waves of His unfailing and perfect love that we use all our hearts, strength, and souls to love Him in return.
This love that persists through my wandering and selfishness is so humbling. Thank you, Jesus.
Happy Easter, everyone.
