Sayonara

I'm a sentimental person. I hold onto memories. And objects that hold memories. And people that hold memories. 


So, naturally, I hate good byes. 


And today I'm saying good bye to a couple things. 
1. One of my very best friends going on to live his dreams.
2. The worst semester of my life. 


People come into our lives for a reason. And people leave them for a reason. I'm not saying that he's leaving my life, but he definitely won't be involved in it like he has been for the past 3 years. 
Our paths intersect and then proceed to go separate ways. 
It's crazy. And I hate it. 
And for some reason you never feel like you made the most out of the time together. There are always words you wish you would've said, fights you wish you wouldn't have had, more hugs, more laughs, more heart-to-hearts, etc. 
You never really feel closure. Sure, to some degree, but not completely. How could you? People impact us whether we like it or not. We'll never feel like it was enough. At least I won't. So I have to accept it for what it is.
And that is: People come and go. People will always leave their mark on me. Sometimes you have to be selfish and leave the ones that need you, because there's something you need elsewhere. Sometimes what those people need most is not to need you anymore, because you've done all your teaching, and they've learned all they can from you. If your paths are meant to cross again, they will. If they're not, they won't. And that's the hardest thing to accept. That you did all you possibly could, there's no going back, and you have to move on. 
Because life moves on whether you're moving with it, or not. And you can either takes the things you did learn and apply them to your future, or walk backwards and focus on the things you didn't learn. But that's definitely not living. 



This semester has been a crazy roller coaster. 
I always think it seems so short, then I actually look back and realize all the things that happened. Nonetheless, it goes by too fast.


But this semester could not go by fast enough.
Hardest semester of my life.
Not my classes. Because they were so easy. And kind of pointless. 


But my life. I'll spare you all the dramatic details.


The point is: I learned. A ton.
Mostly about myself. I've never been so independent in my life. 
All the tears, mistakes, smiles, anger, stress, physical pain, sleepless nights, and answered prayers were worth what I learned from it all. 


For my sake, I'm going to make a list of all the things I learned:
The easy way is hardly ever the right way.
Guard your heart.
Being loved isn't the goal. Loving is.
I do not need a man/guy/boy.
I am comfortable with who I am, and I'm in no hurry to let anyone change me.
I'm done letting people walk all over me.
I'm done letting people control my actions and my feelings.
If you're not grounded...you'll fall.
Nothing is ever as it seems.
I love to dance. But it may not be my life's purpose. And only when I surrender that dream, will I find what that purpose is.
I'm scared.
We have too many second chances.
I am so unbelievably blessed.






So, goodbye to the past that will not trap me, and hello to the future the welcomes me with open arms. 




Never stop learning, people. It prevents Alzheimer's.