I'm sitting on the counter in my apartment complex's community laundry room, not even doing laundry, because, for some reason, the sound of the roaring washers and dryers soothes me.
Probably because when I was a baby I had colic, and my mom would put me on top of the washing machine to make me stop crying.
I guess it worked back then, and to this day it helps me to sort through the crying thoughts and emotions inside me. I can think in here. I can focus. I can feel one emotion at a time, rather than a wave of so many that I don't know what to do with.
My roommate and I were talking the other day about how emotionally overwhelming being busy is. Not just draining because you're constantly going, but because on your downtime, every single emotion that you didn't have time to feel and deal with at the time it came, hits you all at once like a hurricane. And there are so many! And each one feels different so you don't know what to feel and you have no idea where to even start in dealing with them. It's like this one HUGE crazy emotion that you've never felt before.
It feels like when you're a little kid, (or older, I may or may not still do this) and you're at a restaurant, and you're done eating, so you and your siblings or cousins or friends are bored and you decide to make a "masterpiece" of all the leftover food on your plates and beverages in your cups. If this emotion were to be compared to something, it would be that finished product of ketchup, ice cream, french fries, pasta, root beer, salt and pepper, and whatever else was left over from the meal.
And every time that emotion is different, because it's a different recipe of different emotions in each situation. A.K.A., a recipe for disaster.
This is how it works:
Imagine you're having a busy day.
Each task you put yourself to requires your full concentration.
So as you're focusing on each of these tasks, something may remind you of something else and your mind may wander for a moment, causing you to briefly feel something.
You notice that you're feeling and no longer concentrating so you disregard that emotion completely before you have the chance to even identify what it was or where it came from.
This happens throughout the day as you invest yourself into each different task.
And in each task you place the one or many emotions in your pocket because you just can't deal with it right then.
So by the end of the day, your pockets are full of all the different emotions that didn't have time to be felt.
Therefore, when it comes time to finally relax and reflect on the day, you empty your pockets, involuntarily, and are completely overwhelmed with all the junk that piled up in there.
By that time they've all melted together from the friction of the fast moving day, into one, big, gooey, and poop-colored emotion.
And how can you possibly deal with that?
Busy and emotional are not a good combination.
Man, it's tough being a girl.
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