Cells, rocks, and sinking sand.

"Remember who you are and what you stand for"

My dad

He would say this almost every time I left the house in high school. And still does on occasion. 

He says it as a joke, of course, and I remember rolling my eyes the first time he said it thinking "of course I'm not gonna forget who I am or where I stand." 

Though he says it as a joke, I know he really means it, and I never really gave it a second thought. 

Well, what if don't know who I am or what I stand for? What if I think I do but both are so easily swayed like a blade of grass in the wind?

Back when he would say it to me the most, I definitely didn't know. 

I would leave the house one person and come home another. 

And I still do. 

I've recently been challenged, by I don't really know what, to look at myself and decide who I am, who I want to be, and what unfaltering things I stand for. 

Because if you don't know who you are, you'll become anything. And if you don't know where you stand, you'll fall.

So, I wrote down a list of who I know I am. 

And a list of who I want to be. (Which I know is boring, so if you want to see, go here: Sincerely.) 

And then I wrote down a list of what I stand for. The things I know without a doubt that I want to fight for. 

The things that keep me grounded.

The solid rocks that I build my life around, or strive to build my life around. (Which are less boring, so they'll probably have a post of their own someday.)

And it helped me so much to make the things I've been taught my whole life tangible and visible. To be able to pick and choose the things to discard and the things to keep. To have a reference of these things so I never forget again. 

I think we so easily forget. 

It's sad. We forget

who we are, 

our purpose,

and the things that keep our feet from slipping.

I forget so often. I let myself be swayed by the standards of society, or the standards of other people, and forget that I have standards of my own. Standards that I shouldn't be willing to compromise. 

I forget that each cell of my body is there for a purpose, along with each thought and emotion. I forget that my feet belong on these solid rocks and everywhere else is sinking sand. 

Remember 

who you are and what you stand for.

Because if you don't know who you are, you'll become anything. And if you don't know where you stand, you'll fall. 

Undefined, no.II

Do not let yourself be defined by the weaknesses of your flesh.

Do not let yourself be defined by the boundaries of this world.

Do not let yourself be defined by the selfishness of humanity.

Do not limit yourself by labels.

Do not let anyone tell you who you are or who you're supposed to be.

Do not let yourself be contained inside an opinion.

Do not let yourself flow with the standards of our shallow society. 

Find who you are apart from anyone or anything telling you who to be.  

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us."

Virginia Satir 

love, love, love

I see what I want to see. 

I hear what I want to hear. 

This is naivety. 

I see people for who they are, but ignore all the bad parts.
Because I don't like how it feels to dislike someone.
I don't like how it feels to want to make them see their flaws as if I don't have any of my own.
I don't like thinking that people can be anything but good and pure in heart and motive. 
I choose to ignore their flaws because it's easier to love them that way.
And I love to love people.


But that's not love at all.


God's love, the ultimate love, was shown in that Christ died for us when we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). 
He knew every disgusting crevice of our wandering hearts and still chose to hang on the cross, with the weight of every person's sin that has ever and will live on his shoulders. 




Love doesn't mean-- "pretend they're perfect". Love is not dependent on perfection. True love has no bounds and true love perseveres through every fault. Love is definitely not ignoring someone's flaws because that makes them easier to love. 


Love wasn't meant to be easy, because nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy. 
Love wasn't meant to be easy, because how else would we know that the kind of love that is so impossibly hard for us, is so amazingly easy for the One and only One that it comes easy for? 
How else would we be able to grasp how small and imperfect our love is in comparison to how wide and long and high and deep the love of our creator is?






Love is knowing someone's not perfect, but sacrificing yourself for them anyway. Love is knowing that people are mean, and selfish, and impure, and deciding to treat them as if they aren't.
Love is seeing someone's many flaws, but knowing your own flaws are just as great or greater in number. 




You can't know someone unless you know all their flaws too. 
You can love anyone. But you can't truly love someone until you know them, flaws and all, and decide to love them anyway. That's all anyone wants: to be completely known and loved anyway. 




It's hard to love someone that isn't perfect. 
It's hard to love someone that doesn't love you.


But love is always the answer. 


  

Leap Year

So, it's February 29th. That's cool. Cause it only happens every 4 years.


And I couldn't help but wonder who I'll be on the next leap year.


A lot can happen in 4 years. A lot. I could be in a foreign country (hopefully) for all I know.
I could be married (hopefully not).
I could be still going to school, grad school, or some other school.
I could be pursuing my career. 
I could be a mom!


I don't know!


But, I'm so excited to find out. 


I can't wait to see who I am, where I am, who I'm with, all I've done, all I've learned on February 29, 2016. 

The pits.

We live on a path.


And sometimes we choose to step off of this path.
Out of curiosity, maybe rebellion, or because the grass seems greener over there.


Without any marked trail to follow we misstep, stumble, and fall.


That's okay, as long as we get back up, and realize that we should probably follow our bread crumb trail back to the path.


But sometimes we fall in holes. Or pits.


Those falls are hard, and fast.
And the pits are deep, dark, and cold.


All our strength is gone from trudging through the wilderness so we're tired and weak. And we wanna just lay there for a while on the nice cold ground. A break from searching. A break from walking.


Then, once we start to feel the pain of our broken bones, and the hardness of the ground, we wonder how we got there in the first place.
It seems like we just took a brief scenic route, so how did it lead here?


It never takes too long to lose yourself. And you don't realize you've wandered...until you're lost.
Until you're lying, broken, on the cold floor of that deep pit, do you realize the steps you took to get there.


And so you start to climb out, ironically, healing on the way.


And it takes a while.


But it's worth it.


Because once your face is warmed again by the sun, and your weary feet touch the soft green grass, you'll look back and be grateful. 


Grateful for what you learned and grateful for the grace you were given to climb out.




And you'll never go back.

Choose Wisely

We make choices, without realizing in that moment how much they affect the rest of our lives.






And if we thought a little longer about the outcome,


weighed the pros and cons,


considered the pain,


imagined our future, 


where would we be? Would we have made the same choice?


And if those choices hadn't been made,


would fate take over and make that choice for us anyway ? 




The choices we make reflect the person we are, and the person we're becoming. 
The choices we make affect so much more than we can see. It's a butterfly effect of chain reactions for all eternity. 


We look back at the big decisions, the small decisions, the bad ones and the good ones. And we may laugh. Or cry. Depending on how much time has passed.


And we can't help but wonder, what if?




Sometimes there's no possible way of predicting the outcome and we have to dive in head first to find out.


Sometimes the outcome is clear.
Sometimes the outcome is obviously bad, but we choose it anyway.
Sometimes the outcome is obviously good, so we take advantage of it.


Sometimes, we ignore the outcome completely, and make blind decisions based on what we want now. 


Those are the worst kind. 
Though they may bring temporary happiness, it always ends. 


Sometimes, when it does end, we still can't admit to ourselves that it was a bad decision, therefore preventing us from learning. 
Therefore causing us to make the same decision again. And again. Until we just don't care anymore. 




But as much as those mistakes sting down the road, 


how else would we experience the grace that erases them?


These choices we make may push people out of our lives that we never wanted out,


they may change our plans,


they may break our hearts,


they may cause some unwanted drama,


but what if that's the point of it all?




What if our potential is in the way we rise from the mess we've made?
What if beauty hides in the unwanted change of direction?
What if?




Don't you want to find out?

What do you do when...

The one thing that you know you want is potentially not meant to be?
When you've spent years planning your life around a dream that has ended up being unfulfilling and dissatisfying?
When you feel like you're not on the path you're supposed to be on?
When you want too many things, but you can't have it all?
When you know what you want, but you have no idea how to go about in getting it?
What do you do?


You don't do anything. 
You stop.
You take a deep breath.
You remember that life is out of control no matter how much you try to control it.
You acknowledge your flawed way of thinking when you try to take life by the reins.
You realize that there's no possible way to plan every last detail. 




You take one moment at a time, one breath at a time, one step at a time, and trust that everything is going to work out just fine. 


Because it's never going to work out the way we plan anyway. And that's okay, because the things that are most satisfying, that come from walking blindly forward, exceed everything we could possibly imagine or dream.